Friday, 1 January 2016

New years and all the resolutions?

New Year, New Plans, New self.

But I feel a little lost. Everyone's writing out their new year's resolution for 2016, but I'm just sitting here not too sure of what to anticipate of the brand new year,

I could try writing one out , but it might eventually get shoved into the massive stacks of papers on my desk that I haven't yet gotten the chance to sort out.
Forget the excuses. The truth is I haven't picked up the art of writing a good new year's resolution. I would probably tell myself to be fitter,eat healthier, socialize more, study harder and have a better mindset.  But, when it descends to the end of the year, how many of those can I actually tick off? how many of those will continued to be transferred off to the next new year resolution list?

How much fitter do I have to be ? How much socializing do I have to do? How hard should I study?
For them to all be ticked off as done   

My resolutions are always so obscure and not specific enough.  Instead of telling myself to " be fitter", I could have written " go to the gym at least twice a week". But I refuse to, because I have those uncertainties. I have no confidence to whether I'll persevere with my resolutions even before it has all even started.

So I guess, that's something I have to change. I need to be able to self regulate .Wait a couple of months of a year and I promise I'll write myself a proper goals list.

Which brings me to my thoughts last night while I celebrated the humble little countdown to new years and stuffing my face with pizza.

A good friend of mine was asking me over message how I normally celebrated New Years, and I hesitated longer than I should have before telling her that watching fireworks was probably the only that thing I did.

Have I really forgotten what I've done on this day over the past years of my life?

I went back to a previous blog post I had written on the last day of 2014. Reading it now, I sense the slightest emotional disturbance in myself during that period of time. The end of 2014 marked the move from Australia to Malaysia and I obviously wasn't too happy about spending New years 2,947 miles away from my friends.

The following is a small section I've copied over from that post

"But for what I know... on new years eve, I'll be missing this special group of people. They are miles away from me, but so so close to my heart. 2015 will be a challenge. But it will be a challenge that can be conquered. ”

Haha what hilarious positivity I had then, probably not so honest.  But anyways, I did say 2015 would be a challenge. Looking back at it now, it really was. 

Another good friend of mine also mentioned something along the lines of ," A year is a long enough time to see how someone has changed". And although I wouldn't like to admit it, I have changed. If you asked me to draw Venn diagram and label the circles " myself in 2014" and " myself in 2015", I bet I could fill it all up with differences. The manner in which I look at people and the type person I wish for people to perceive me as has also changed. So many changes have happened over 2015, and talking about it now is like a pang in the face.

But the little overlapping oval will also be filled up. Because some things I will never be able to change. 
  • I will forever find entertainment in putting teachers' faces in jib jab videos and will keep the little promises I made with you.
  • I will not forget our walks back home and how happy I was the day it was announced that you got the SRC position. 
  • I will still look back the times fooling around in French class with you and having so much of a laugh causing great disturbance to Sherbert. 
  • I will still miss heading off early to the music rooms every morning to listen to your musical talents and then head off for lunch together in the afternoon. 
  • I will never forget you always giving me tremendous emotional support and always being the " overly concerned " friend ;) . 
  • I will laugh so hard at the time we secretly swapped shows in the cinema because we were too afraid to watch the horror movie we bought tickets for;) 
  • I will forever reminisce the times you and I spent walking around Orchard roads and ending up in a glass elevator headed to an unknown location with a freaky stranger. ( I was scared to bits)
  • I will always laugh thinking of  your silly little trouble making tactics your creation of orange. (Trust me, it will live on forever).
  • I will forever hate you for being such a rude little ruckus all the time. 
  • I will continue to master the art of making fun, so I will eventually get you back in your crude jokes one day ;) 
  • I will forever be your friend, even though I secretly think I treat you slightly better than you treat me :p

I hope ya'll guess which of these is you ♥ 
Actually, I really haven't changed that much, have I? ;)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. Hope 2016 will bring crazy colors and fun into your life.

I'm back, hopefully I won't let myself take such a big break again.

Written with love,

Saturday, 12 September 2015

Trust has been broken.

In this ever so superficial world, it's so hard to tell who's sincere and who's not. You wonder if that person is actually there for keeps or just for a brief fling.
Ironically enough, our brain decides whether to trust someone in milliseconds, sometimes it's people we're only subliminally aware of.

At the beginning, it's almost impossible to predict the outcomes of a relationship. It's not what we want to here, but the unexpected/undesired does happen,and more than often:

"She betrayed me"
" He broke my heart"
" She lied"
" He's changed..."

So what now. It didn't feel good did it?

" There's this really hot guy in tennis.".

That's exactly how it all started. The whole drama situation. Well, nobody would have known the ending then.

It's not everyday my friend walks into the school with such a bold statement hanging off her lips. So we all took this pretty seriously. I've never met this guy, and only know his face by the zooming in onto the group photos posted of Facebook.

So things grew from there, and I swear their relationship progressed fast as hell. Talking to each other by the third day and texting by the second week. It was cute, it really was.

He doesn't have a phone, but he would stay online of FB to talk to her for hours. And so, as predicted, it didn't take long for the mutual ' I like you ' messages to come into the picture. They chatted about committing to each other, he said he wanted to, but only after the summer break.

This was probably the worst time, because both of them went overseas for summer vacation and didn't see each other for 2 months.  From what I know, they definitely kept in contact, but things changed after a couple of weeks. He wasn't responding too well to her messages.

One day out of the blue came a text from him saying this
' I met someone during summer, things got a little out of hand, we danced and I ended up kissing her'

Man.. something that just seemed so perfect crashed down with just a click of his fingers. Wow. Just wow.

Maybe their relationship was ever so shallow. Or maybe everything happened too fast and their love for each other did not extend beyond their physical attributes. I can't be too sure. But for what I know, the short period of time they had with each other was real, and they were happy, genuinely happy.

We can't always hope for the best in other people , but we can always hope for the best in ourselves.

Fine, other people can be a let down, we can't stop that from happening. But you cannot be a let down towards yourself. Don't.

I'm afraid of falling into the trap of having my trust broken, I never want to let it happen to me. But when the time comes, I want to be strong, I want to pull through it and never look back. Just like what my friend did. She was cool, she really was. He wanted her back at one point, and she said no. Not that she didn't want to forgive him, but because he did not repent.

So... this post is dedicated to my friend ;) to think she had such guts to ask for a blog post about herself.

Written with love,

Saturday, 1 August 2015

Is what I'm wearing appropriate...?

This is one of the topics again that constantly strikes controversies and disagreement and has gotten a significant amount of attention from the media all around the world.

What exactly should go through your mind when your choosing clothes to wear from your wardrobe. Should we just go along with whatever we feel like wearing, even if it goes to seem a little inappropriate for where you are heading off to that day?

I currently live in a country where almost everyone is dressed according to the standards of absolute decency. Most Muslim women have their hair covered in a hijab ( head scarf ) and body covered with lose, non revealing clothing . Same deal with Islamic men, they have to dress with modesty in mind. And this is something I really respect.

 More than often, my sister and I have found ourselves the only ones in the crowded vicinity of a shopping mall or public area wearing shorts or sleeveless tops. It's definitely not a requirement for non Muslims to follow their strict code of dressing in most places, but they do expect you to follow their rules for appropriate attire in places like mosques and government buildings.

But now, with all that in mind, I will make sure that I dress as sensibly as possible when I'm going to a Muslim populated area. Clothing pieces like mini skirts, crop/spaghetti strap tops, short shorts or even sports bras which usually aren't that big a deal in westernized countries will get you a couple of unwanted stares over here,

Not just Malaysia or any Asian country, As superficial as it seems, those we are dressed appropriately for correct occasions are respected more than those who aren't. That's just the way society has deemed us.

What we wear cannot define who we are, but it is an expression of our own self, an extension of our personalities.   People do, and more than often will judge you by your clothing. Sometimes people look towards what you wear as the level of respect you have.  Well yea, of course we can choose not to care. But it's best to be street smart. Dress in a way we project how we want people to perceive us.

 So depending on what occasion or situation, I will be more conscious of the way I present myself.

Dress to impress ;) It really does make a difference.

Thank you for reading,
These are just my personal opinions, if you have anything to say please leave a comment ;)

Written with love,

Saturday, 25 July 2015

Love myself a little more

You might describe life as the beginning of a journey, a roller coaster ride perhaps.

Or you might perceive it as a running river that never turns back.

For what we know, nobody's life is perfect. Everyone has times when they feel as if agony and sadness has thwarted their last tread of hope.

All these emotions are okay. It's okay to be anxious, to be jealous, to be bitter. As long as we don't act upon those emotions impulsively.

It's all a little unfair. We can't control our feelings but we have to control how we respond and react to those emotions. So by all means, vent if out if you're mad, cry it out if you're upset.

When emotions start overwhelming me, I get into these different stages of frustration.

And then those killer thoughts start swarming in. Thoughts of self doubt. Which go hand in hand with self blame.

My pet parrot died a few years ago. It may sound almost silly to you, but that was probably the most painful and heart wrenching moment I've experienced. Maybe it was because I saw her crumble and fall from the tree house specially built for her, spitting blood everywhere. Or maybe it was because of the one last chirp she gave me while I held her towards my heart for the last time. I felt so so helpless,  everything was too late and I just couldn't accept everything that happened in that split second... until the house grew so so quiet and cold without her presence

So there you go. One part of me was hating myself for not being able to prevent that from happening, and the other part of myself was judging my sensitivity and the mental pain I wasn't able to cope with. And all these thoughts just made everything worse.

So never ever let yourself reach the stage where you are self attacking, instead we have to learn how to heal our pattern of self blame. How to change the way we relate to those emotions.

If I hadn't blamed my self for what had happened, if I had let myself taken the time to grieve and be upset, I would have freed myself earlier... I would have loved myself a little more...

It's just the way you look at it, and the way you cope with it.

At the end of the day, you would have hoped to overcome your share of obstacles and turmoils but at the same time, experienced the best of all things to it's fullest.

And that's all that matters when you get down from that roller coaster ride.

 Just love yourself a little more x

Written with love,

Thursday, 16 July 2015

Road trip KL ➡ MALACCA ☾✩

It's been a while since we've last been on a road trip. We used to drive all the time down to Sydney while we were in Australia, but we didn't have much confidence traveling long distances around here in Malaysia. One wrong turn will lead you onto the highway, and who knows how long it's going to take for you to get out.

Malacca was top in our list for to go places in Malaysia, it's mainly known for it's unique architeture and the FOOD <3
It took around 2 hours to go by car, thank god we didn't get stuck in any traffic!

The main highlight was the night market, it only happens on Friday and Saturday so we're pretty lucky in the sense that our one day trip coincided with that!

Around 5-6pm, the roads were all closed up and stalls were being set up. It took us a few hours to walk the whole thing just to give you an idea how long the street was haha!:)

Never in my life have I seen ice cream in the shape of an egg XD

I think it's such a cute invention.

We had Satay Celup for dinner, which is one of the more famous dishes in Malacca. You just dunk the skewers of meat and veggies into a pot of boiling Satay Gravy.

 If you like durian ;);) 

Malaysia's a good place to go for a getaway holiday if you can overlook the not so developed side of it . It's always nice to try new things, experience a different culture. Everything is way cheaper here too, and won't have to worry about going hungry;)

Tomorrow marks the end of  fasting for all Muslim people. Happy Hari Raya to you all! x

Thank you for reading xx
Written with love,

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Without Regrets.

              At the beginning of the year, I didn't have a set goal for myself. I didn't know where this path was going to lead me, neither did I know what I was going to reap from it. I knew it was going to be a little more difficult, a little overwhelming and unexpected . All that I hoped was that I could find my place soon in this new country.

I was conservative, and taking risks were a no no for me. However, strangely enough, having small talks with people I met for the first time came naturally. I didn't know their personality, and they did not know mine. I was starting all over again, it felt good, but there was this sense of uneasiness and loneliness .After days and days, those " friendly" talks did not become any more intimate. There was this barrier between everyone that I interacted with. I was trying to find my place in the school, and I was eager to do it quick.

Weeks later, I knew people by name and I was starting to settle. People's personalities were becoming more apparent and I had an idea to whom I could hang out with and whom I couldn't. I was still lonely at times, I didn't have that kind of special bond I had in my old school with anyone here. But at least, I wasn't referred to as the " new girl' anymore. The following months after, everything was better.

I was exposed to so many new things, things I would never have imagined myself doing. A lot of things were done out of my comfort zone, which included talking to people I wasn't familiar too, anchoring the school news production and performing solo drama pieces in front of an all male class. Needless to say, I've stuffed up many things hahaha but my self confidence has definitely been boosted . Although there are countless times where I've chickened out on amazing opportunities I could have grabbed, parties I've avoided going because I didn't feel ready, and just missing out on plenty of social opportunities.

For what I know, I've tried at least, and I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't.

Yupp, the beginning is always the hardest for anything and everything . It starts with the motivation. The incentive and push to make yourself step over your comfort zone. It's easy to give up in the middle too, but what a waste it would be after you've come so far already. Never underestimate how powerful mental strength has.So powerful to the extent that it surpasses physical strength. Keep pushing yourself  mentally until you've reached the stage where your body and mind automatically accustoms itself to whatever you're doing.

They're no regrets for making yourself a better person are there? Just regrets for not trying. If you do have those regrets, it's never too late to reverse them.

Thank you so much for reading x
I've neglected my blog so many times, but I wouldn't live with myself if I just gave up like that.
I'll keep posting

Written with love,

p.s the url of this blog has been changed;)

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