Love myself a little more

You might describe life as the beginning of a journey, a roller coaster ride perhaps.

Or you might perceive it as a running river that never turns back.

For what we know, nobody's life is perfect. Everyone has times when they feel as if agony and sadness has thwarted their last tread of hope.

All these emotions are okay. It's okay to be anxious, to be jealous, to be bitter. As long as we don't act upon those emotions impulsively.

It's all a little unfair. We can't control our feelings but we have to control how we respond and react to those emotions. So by all means, vent if out if you're mad, cry it out if you're upset.

When emotions start overwhelming me, I get into these different stages of frustration.

And then those killer thoughts start swarming in. Thoughts of self doubt. Which go hand in hand with self blame.

My pet parrot died a few years ago. It may sound almost silly to you, but that was probably the most painful and heart wrenching moment I've experienced. Maybe it was because I saw her crumble and fall from the tree house specially built for her, spitting blood everywhere. Or maybe it was because of the one last chirp she gave me while I held her towards my heart for the last time. I felt so so helpless,  everything was too late and I just couldn't accept everything that happened in that split second... until the house grew so so quiet and cold without her presence

So there you go. One part of me was hating myself for not being able to prevent that from happening, and the other part of myself was judging my sensitivity and the mental pain I wasn't able to cope with. And all these thoughts just made everything worse.


So never ever let yourself reach the stage where you are self attacking, instead we have to learn how to heal our pattern of self blame. How to change the way we relate to those emotions.

If I hadn't blamed my self for what had happened, if I had let myself taken the time to grieve and be upset, I would have freed myself earlier... I would have loved myself a little more...

It's just the way you look at it, and the way you cope with it.

At the end of the day, you would have hoped to overcome your share of obstacles and turmoils but at the same time, experienced the best of all things to it's fullest.

And that's all that matters when you get down from that roller coaster ride.

 Just love yourself a little more x

Written with love,

June